the window to my mind...

The following is what I wrote in my notebook waiting at the Juvenile Center to find out what was going to happen with Josiah: October 31, 2011 God is in control and I will keep reminding myself of that until I stop living on this earth. He is in control. I know this because I've given Him control. No matter how much I think life sucks or I feel like giving up, I know that He has an ultimate plan and it is in the works even now. All of this stuff is happening for a reason. And I will praise God in the middle of my pain. In the middle of my heartache and confusion and desperation, He is worthy of my adoration. He is worthy because He is God. He is my King. He is my Comforter. He is my Provider. He is my Healer. He is my Rock. He is my Salvation. He is my Lord. And just thinking about all that He is makes my soul leap for joy! It makes me want to proclaim His perfection to all of these sad and lost people sitting around me. Oh God, thank You for all of the wonderful things You h...

Josiah is the child that I always thought of as the one that would be smart enough to stay out of trouble. The one that would rise above the peer pressure. The one that would see the temptation and proceed to explain why there was no need for it. Not that I thought my other children would, but Anna is, well, Anna. Maria loves to do things extravagantly and dramatically. And well, Ben is a follower, kinda the typical baby. So I always thought I would need to try extra hard with the younger ones. Don't get me wrong, I had the "say no to drugs" talk several times with Josiah already. And the "casual" conversations on the way to school about smoking or drinking or such. So, imagine my surprise and dismay when I found out that he, Josiah, was smoking marijuana with his friends. I still can't believe that he would be so...so...ugh! I don't even know what. Hard-headed? Blind? Influenced? Hypocritical? I don't know, all of these but definitely a lot more ...