waiting for the verdict

The following is what I wrote in my notebook waiting at the Juvenile Center to find out what was going to happen with Josiah:

October 31, 2011

God is in control and I will keep reminding myself of that until I stop living on this earth. He is in control. I know this because I've given Him control. No matter how much I think life sucks or I feel like giving up, I know that He has an ultimate plan and it is in the works even now. All of this stuff is happening for a reason. And I will praise God in the middle of my pain. In the middle of my heartache and confusion and desperation, He is worthy of my adoration. He is worthy because He is God. He is my King. He is my Comforter. He is my Provider. He is my Healer. He is my Rock. He is my Salvation. He is my Lord. And just thinking about all that He is makes my soul leap for joy! It makes me want to proclaim His perfection to all of these sad and lost people sitting around me. Oh God, thank You for all of the wonderful things You have done, You are doing, and You will do in my life. Thank You for what You are creating in my kids' lives. I have faith that You are going to do great and mighty works in their lives. Use them to glorify Your kingdom and to lift You up. Use me to shine Your love and mercy in all the dark corners of my life. I want to radiate every ounce of myself with Your light. I pray that when others look at me, they are blinded by You. I want to be so full of Your presence that I can't hide You, no matter how hard I try. I don't want to hide You though. I want the world to know and feel all that I know and feel in You. I want my kids and husband to experience You the way that I do. And Lord, I want to experience You so much more. I crave so much more of You.

I am so blessed to be able to turn to God in times like these. I sometimes forget that He is there, waiting to take the burden. So I praise Him for gently nudging me on this occasion particularly. I challenge you to give whatever you're holding onto over to the King of kings and the Lord of lords. You can't do it alone, so why keep trying? It isn't easy, I'll be the first one to admit that. But it is necessary to live a satisfied life, to live a life worth living, to live the life you created for.

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