Josiah is the child that I always thought of as the one that would be smart enough to stay out of trouble. The one that would rise above the peer pressure. The one that would see the temptation and proceed to explain why there was no need for it. Not that I thought my other children would, but Anna is, well, Anna. Maria loves to do things extravagantly and dramatically. And well, Ben is a follower, kinda the typical baby. So I always thought I would need to try extra hard with the younger ones. Don't get me wrong, I had the "say no to drugs" talk several times with Josiah already. And the "casual" conversations on the way to school about smoking or drinking or such.
So, imagine my surprise and dismay when I found out that he, Josiah, was smoking marijuana with his friends. I still can't believe that he would be so...so...ugh! I don't even know what. Hard-headed? Blind? Influenced? Hypocritical? I don't know, all of these but definitely a lot more things too.
Ok, so now that I knew, what was I going to do? First I completely humiliated him at the park in front of all his friends and then proceeded to also yell at his friends, particularly his closest friend that I loved, and still do love, like another son. Josiah not only didn't come home from school that night, but they also decided to get high at the park. I mean, come on! So, once that was out of the way & I had him in my possession, then what? I was at a complete loss. I had no idea what to do. So, since this was happening after school while he has hanging out at the park I immediately said he was grounded (OBVIOUSLY). I drop him off at school and he walks straight home after school. I was also going to switch him to another middle school. He was very not happy about this but I told him that it didn't matter.
About a week or so later he said that he was just gonna walk to school because he wanted the exercise. I should've known. I got a call from the school that him & his friend were reported by another student to be smoking on the way to school. The friend (Josiah's best friend that I mentioned earlier) had a lighter & admitted to smoking marijuana but said that Josiah had nothing to do with it. Josiah also admitted to smoking but because the other student said he wasn't, Josiah got off with ISS (In-School Suspension). The other student was expelled and locked up. The administrator that I was already in contact with at his school said that since he felt that this other student was really the cause of Josiah's problems, I should just leave Josiah at Lakeside for the rest of the year since the cause would now be gone. He said he would keep an eye on him and let me know if there were any more problems. So, I reluctantly agreed. Silly, silly, silly me.
The day after Addyson (Anna's baby) was born I was off work and got a phone call from ACJC - Allen County Juvenile Center - or juvie. Yep. They had Josiah in custody because he had a bag of marijuana in his coat pocket. At school. That he intended to sell. Do you see where this is going? Yeah. Before I go any further though, I want to also share with you something that happened a week to the day before.
I decided that I really needed to start praying "fervently" and with "brutal honesty" for my children. I mean, Anna was 16 and pregnant and Josiah was 14 and using marijuana...and of course, Maria & Ben need prayer just as much as they do, even for just coping with their siblings. So, every day over my 1/2 hour lunch I would walk for 20 minutes and spend that time praying for my kids. Well, this particular day I was praying and out of nowhere I switched from whatever I was praying for before & started praying for Josiah. I prayed so hard that I know some of the people that passed me thought I had lost it. I was crying and pleading and begging God to work in Josiah, to break him from this addiction or habit that he was starting, to open his eyes to what he was doing, to use him the way that I know he can be used. I prayed that God would do whatever he needed to do to break Josiah, even if He has to break him into tiny pieces and I have to pick those pieces up. No matter what He has to do. And then I asked God to give me the strength and the calm and the patience to be able to pick those pieces up. Well, guess what? One week later & they're calling me with the news that he was arrested. God just broke him. And honestly, I forgot all about that prayer. I thought I just got broke. And I probably did. I went to the kitchen & got on my knees and just started crying and praying, asking God to help me through, to help me help Josiah through. God is so faithful.
The ending of this story is that Josiah was released to me that same day and had court a week later. At court, as we were waiting for the interventionist, I wrote in my notebook. I'll post that entry next time. It was a prayer, and let me tell you, it worked to calm me, that's for sure. When we met with the interventionist (his job is to decide exactly how the court should proceed: informal charges, formal charges & probation, formal charges & jail time, etc.) he asked Josiah if he wanted an attorney. We had already pretty much discussed this before so Josiah said he didn't. He admitted to what he did, he never denied it or tried to make excuses or blame anyone else, or even to me try to say that it was because of someone else's influence or anything. To me, that was a positive at least. He also admitted the entire time that he knew it was wrong and he knew that he could be spending a LOT of time locked up. (for the record, the amount he had was less than a "dime" which is apparently $10 worth - which is not me justifying it just clarifying it). The interventionist was actually quite harsh with Josiah and was saying that he was very cocky for not wanting an attorney and for not incriminating others. There really wasn't anyone else to incriminate, but still. Instead of being the mommy to the rescue, I let him handle this, partly because Josiah needed to be scared, I thought. He needed to realize that this was real life.
After the meeting, I really had a sinking feeling about what was about to happen, the results. But I put my trust in God. Not trust that He would let Josiah walk away scott-free. Trust that God would make sure that Josiah got what he should get. Trust that even if Josiah was locked up for a year, God would be with him. As a mommy, that situation was SO hard for me. It broke my heart to be there. To know that my son needed to be punished and that meant that he might not be with me, he might be behind bars. But also to know that my son was my son. I know him like so few people do. He is so intelligent and kindhearted (as long as nobody sees) and really naive (no matter what he thinks). I knew that the only way I would get through this sane was to lay it down. To say "it's Yours God, You are in control of this situation." and to truly mean it. Ok. So back to the story. The interventionist decided to give Josiah informal charges and not only that but informal probation for 6 months (no probation officer visits). He has to complete community service and a drug assessment and write an apology letter to the school. That's that. Well, except for the fact that he was also facing expulsion from FWCS (Fort Wayne Community Schools). I've gotta say, again as a mommy, that was a hard decision for me. I was ecstatic that he was going home...but I was a little concerned that he was getting off with a slap on the wrist.
That's where FWCS comes to the rescue. Like I just mentioned, he was facing expulsion. Long story short, he was expelled and the only option left for education was ACLA - Allen County Learning Academy. This is pretty much jail school. It is right at the Juvenile Center and it is SUPER strict. He only has about 3 or 4 other students in his classes, and they're all there because they've been expelled. There is no messing up, because if you do, that's a probation violation and you risk getting locked up. Plus, probably the worst of all for Josiah, no sports. That means no soccer this spring.
Of course, Josiah is probably going absolutely insane at this point. Because apart from all of the legal ramifications these events have had on his life, he is more grounded now than even I thought possible. He pretty much is not allowed to be unsupervised at all. This isn't a court thing, this is a mommy thing. He hasn't talked to his friends at all except for the couple times he's gotten onto facebook. No parks, no phone calls, no texts, no hanging with friends in his room playing video games, nothing. And it will stay that way, at least for a few more years. :) ok, maybe not years, but definitely months. Then it will be baby steps.
I do not share this story with you for you to think any less of Josiah. On the contrary. He is still a wonderful kid, he just needs reminded. I tell you this for you to hopefully take note and do things differently with your kids...how, I don't know. Because I don't know what I would've done differently. But the two things I have learned through this experience and Anna's are 1-never trust a teenager to be completely honest with you. 2-always trust that God will carry you through.
So, imagine my surprise and dismay when I found out that he, Josiah, was smoking marijuana with his friends. I still can't believe that he would be so...so...ugh! I don't even know what. Hard-headed? Blind? Influenced? Hypocritical? I don't know, all of these but definitely a lot more things too.
Ok, so now that I knew, what was I going to do? First I completely humiliated him at the park in front of all his friends and then proceeded to also yell at his friends, particularly his closest friend that I loved, and still do love, like another son. Josiah not only didn't come home from school that night, but they also decided to get high at the park. I mean, come on! So, once that was out of the way & I had him in my possession, then what? I was at a complete loss. I had no idea what to do. So, since this was happening after school while he has hanging out at the park I immediately said he was grounded (OBVIOUSLY). I drop him off at school and he walks straight home after school. I was also going to switch him to another middle school. He was very not happy about this but I told him that it didn't matter.
About a week or so later he said that he was just gonna walk to school because he wanted the exercise. I should've known. I got a call from the school that him & his friend were reported by another student to be smoking on the way to school. The friend (Josiah's best friend that I mentioned earlier) had a lighter & admitted to smoking marijuana but said that Josiah had nothing to do with it. Josiah also admitted to smoking but because the other student said he wasn't, Josiah got off with ISS (In-School Suspension). The other student was expelled and locked up. The administrator that I was already in contact with at his school said that since he felt that this other student was really the cause of Josiah's problems, I should just leave Josiah at Lakeside for the rest of the year since the cause would now be gone. He said he would keep an eye on him and let me know if there were any more problems. So, I reluctantly agreed. Silly, silly, silly me.
The day after Addyson (Anna's baby) was born I was off work and got a phone call from ACJC - Allen County Juvenile Center - or juvie. Yep. They had Josiah in custody because he had a bag of marijuana in his coat pocket. At school. That he intended to sell. Do you see where this is going? Yeah. Before I go any further though, I want to also share with you something that happened a week to the day before.
I decided that I really needed to start praying "fervently" and with "brutal honesty" for my children. I mean, Anna was 16 and pregnant and Josiah was 14 and using marijuana...and of course, Maria & Ben need prayer just as much as they do, even for just coping with their siblings. So, every day over my 1/2 hour lunch I would walk for 20 minutes and spend that time praying for my kids. Well, this particular day I was praying and out of nowhere I switched from whatever I was praying for before & started praying for Josiah. I prayed so hard that I know some of the people that passed me thought I had lost it. I was crying and pleading and begging God to work in Josiah, to break him from this addiction or habit that he was starting, to open his eyes to what he was doing, to use him the way that I know he can be used. I prayed that God would do whatever he needed to do to break Josiah, even if He has to break him into tiny pieces and I have to pick those pieces up. No matter what He has to do. And then I asked God to give me the strength and the calm and the patience to be able to pick those pieces up. Well, guess what? One week later & they're calling me with the news that he was arrested. God just broke him. And honestly, I forgot all about that prayer. I thought I just got broke. And I probably did. I went to the kitchen & got on my knees and just started crying and praying, asking God to help me through, to help me help Josiah through. God is so faithful.
The ending of this story is that Josiah was released to me that same day and had court a week later. At court, as we were waiting for the interventionist, I wrote in my notebook. I'll post that entry next time. It was a prayer, and let me tell you, it worked to calm me, that's for sure. When we met with the interventionist (his job is to decide exactly how the court should proceed: informal charges, formal charges & probation, formal charges & jail time, etc.) he asked Josiah if he wanted an attorney. We had already pretty much discussed this before so Josiah said he didn't. He admitted to what he did, he never denied it or tried to make excuses or blame anyone else, or even to me try to say that it was because of someone else's influence or anything. To me, that was a positive at least. He also admitted the entire time that he knew it was wrong and he knew that he could be spending a LOT of time locked up. (for the record, the amount he had was less than a "dime" which is apparently $10 worth - which is not me justifying it just clarifying it). The interventionist was actually quite harsh with Josiah and was saying that he was very cocky for not wanting an attorney and for not incriminating others. There really wasn't anyone else to incriminate, but still. Instead of being the mommy to the rescue, I let him handle this, partly because Josiah needed to be scared, I thought. He needed to realize that this was real life.
After the meeting, I really had a sinking feeling about what was about to happen, the results. But I put my trust in God. Not trust that He would let Josiah walk away scott-free. Trust that God would make sure that Josiah got what he should get. Trust that even if Josiah was locked up for a year, God would be with him. As a mommy, that situation was SO hard for me. It broke my heart to be there. To know that my son needed to be punished and that meant that he might not be with me, he might be behind bars. But also to know that my son was my son. I know him like so few people do. He is so intelligent and kindhearted (as long as nobody sees) and really naive (no matter what he thinks). I knew that the only way I would get through this sane was to lay it down. To say "it's Yours God, You are in control of this situation." and to truly mean it. Ok. So back to the story. The interventionist decided to give Josiah informal charges and not only that but informal probation for 6 months (no probation officer visits). He has to complete community service and a drug assessment and write an apology letter to the school. That's that. Well, except for the fact that he was also facing expulsion from FWCS (Fort Wayne Community Schools). I've gotta say, again as a mommy, that was a hard decision for me. I was ecstatic that he was going home...but I was a little concerned that he was getting off with a slap on the wrist.
That's where FWCS comes to the rescue. Like I just mentioned, he was facing expulsion. Long story short, he was expelled and the only option left for education was ACLA - Allen County Learning Academy. This is pretty much jail school. It is right at the Juvenile Center and it is SUPER strict. He only has about 3 or 4 other students in his classes, and they're all there because they've been expelled. There is no messing up, because if you do, that's a probation violation and you risk getting locked up. Plus, probably the worst of all for Josiah, no sports. That means no soccer this spring.
Of course, Josiah is probably going absolutely insane at this point. Because apart from all of the legal ramifications these events have had on his life, he is more grounded now than even I thought possible. He pretty much is not allowed to be unsupervised at all. This isn't a court thing, this is a mommy thing. He hasn't talked to his friends at all except for the couple times he's gotten onto facebook. No parks, no phone calls, no texts, no hanging with friends in his room playing video games, nothing. And it will stay that way, at least for a few more years. :) ok, maybe not years, but definitely months. Then it will be baby steps.
I do not share this story with you for you to think any less of Josiah. On the contrary. He is still a wonderful kid, he just needs reminded. I tell you this for you to hopefully take note and do things differently with your kids...how, I don't know. Because I don't know what I would've done differently. But the two things I have learned through this experience and Anna's are 1-never trust a teenager to be completely honest with you. 2-always trust that God will carry you through.
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